2 boys and a man

 ( I wrote this around the same time that I moved and that was two Thanksgivings ago- but I deleted a paragraph from it and corrected some spelling mistakes so blogger has decided this formerly unpublished entry is new. Nope!) 


I have had some interesting experiences lately.

     I've been talking to several people I met on those  LDS midsingles pages. That in itself has been very interesting. One guy created an entire fantasy based relationship between us. I know all about how how he likes blondes, heels, feet, long legs, intelligence, blah blah blah, and I should just go hang out with him at all hours of the day and night without even talking to him first. I'm glad he appreciates my intelligence so long as I'm the stupid kind of smarts! I met up with him, in a public place with my wing girl in tow, just to shut him up. That was one of the most awkward experiences of my life but the guy really is so nice just very immature and awkward. Maybe when he's about 50, he'll be emotionally mature enough to have a non-imaginary relationship with a real girl.

Another guy made the mistake of prematurely discussing an 'us' when right from the start I've tried to make it very clear I'm not looking to date right now, just have friends of the opposite sex that aren't motards. I tried to ask him questions about himself to better understand him- that made him uncomfortable and then things quickly spiraled downward. I spoke to him once on the phone and all the rest was via text or private messaging on Facebook. I hate to text because unless you know the person well but he preferred to text. That is so weird to me- both these guys actually preferred to text instead of talk. I don't get it! Anyhow- so he tells me he's not ready, and I'm thinking to myself "you're not ready for friendship? ummm- alrighty then." I said my goodbyes and took him off Facebook (that was mostly because he creeped on all my pictures like I asked him not to and called my great aunt 'hot'- that's weird!) and that apparently really hurt his feel bads. I offered some suggestions because he was telling the sob story of women only using him for his money, wanting him to be their sugar daddy, blah blah blah- I told him wearing his heart on his sleeve and talking prematurely about 'us' issues makes him the more vulnerable and susceptible to being used and attracting user type women. That really pissed him off because then he told me I'm not Christ-like, and then in his most Christ-like manner told me I'm lacking confidence and to stop acting the princess and talking down to him. I had no idea that I was or that I was even coming across that way and trying to tell him such made him more upset. And then I got mad and really wanted to rip him a new one- but I didn't! I'm not even going to mention an initial for his name because he is really not worth the effort of this even.

So why bring him up? Because- these two guys both illustrated to me that, not only am I still not ready to date, but that a lot of seemingly eligible and competent guys really are just turning into whiny girls with all their drama, and needing to be petted and molly coddled like a child. They have an idea in their head that doesn't match the words coming out of their mouths. This second guy collects girls on Facebook- I don't care if he's a player- I'm not looking to date him or anything, but he, like the other player types I've encountered, tells me right off the bat that he's not a player. That's nice but I really don't care if you are or aren't! Then he asks me if I think he could make me happy- 3 text messages in. You can bring me about as much happiness as a piece of gum when my mouth is dry and my breath stinks or a NCMO or going back to Denmark or finally getting married could make me but since I don't know you, I have no clue how lasting that happiness could possibly be! Too freaking soon! And I'm the immature one lacking in confidence for telling you this? Great- find a crazy lady who wants that kind of insta-romance and semi-desperation because I am very obviously not the girl for you! I try to be nice and honest and helpful and I'm a jerk? Fair enough- it's possible. I'll totally take that criticism into consideration. I'll ask my most honest friend, who isn't afraid of of hurting my feelings and putting me in my place when I'm wrong, if there is truth to his words about me and if there is, I'll make a very conscientious effort to change. And if not, well, then I will come back and add his name or initials or something to be spiteful and prove I'm the jerk he thinks me! Hahahaha!

     Another guy is just trying to find friends in the church that aren't going to ostracize him for his past and who help him understand certain things about the church- he's not looking to date, he's ok with my not looking to date, and he has so far been smart enough to not try to allude to or push for anything more than a friendship between us. I've also been talking with several women who are not bitter but just as frustrated and confused as me when it comes to understanding why guys are seemingly so dumb, even when they seem to start off so cool and laid back and say all the right things. These are amazing ladies who are very down to earth, intelligent, hard working, fun and funny but because they're "plain Janes" guys don't really pay them any attention or take them seriously. They're not man haters or anything- just, like me, looking for decent guys if only for friendship to give them hope! And sometimes in the Mormon midsingles dating world, even that is an unrealistic fantasy. So sad.