I Could Be A Great Dating Expert and Author!

I keep thinking to myself, "Holy crap! I really should write a book." Why? Partly because most everyone I know tells me I should because I have had some crazy experiences in life. True story kids. 

I called my mom once to tell her I'd just seen the devil and he was hot! I was working Damn Yankees, and Mr. Applegate (aka the devil) had just walked by and he was the most beautiful specimen of maleness I have ever seen, but I had my mom pretty worried for a minute. I made an apple pie for Willie Nelson so he could have some home cooking on the road, and then he had me sit backstage with his 'special lady friend'- I was paid to watch his show. I have ridden shotgun with my cop friend. I have sat in Sacrament meeting in Utah on a Fast Sunday and wondered if I was in a strange mix between a Pentecostal church and a singles bar. I've sat in Sacrament meeting on a Fast Sunday in Michigan and watched a man chug from a vodka bottle at the pulpit. I went on a first date to Disney Land for the weekend with a guy and his four kids and his ex-wife, her new husband, their new baby, and the new husbands three kids. I went on a date with a guy that killed his ex-wife two days later. I was circled by cows in a pasture in the mountains while hunting, and I don't hunt! 

Yep- I have some crazy and amazing stories, and most of them are about my dating experiences. So, for the most part, this is going to be about dating- experience and advice but sometimes, I'll talk about something else because it's probably more interesting, and to give me a break. A few things you should know about me, in case you don't know me. I sometimes cuss, but no F bombs and no b****- I will try to refrain form cussing here. I'm not a perfect typist. I'm over, 30, LDS, never been married, and live in Utah. I'm sometimes very jealous of my friends and little sister for being married and having babies. That was my one goal in life all growing up. But some days, I'm very grateful to be single still. I get a break from kids at the end of the day; I don't have annoying in-laws; I don't have to argue about cars, work schedules, finances, hunting, or video games. I only have annoying me to deal with on a daily basis. 

Wow- maybe I'm more selfish than I ever thought! But there are things I deal with that my married friends don't, and most of them really don't get how frustrating it can be to be single in this church. My mom tries to understand because she was 21 when she got married while all her friends got married at 18. My bishop recently tried to tell me he understands because he was 26 when he got married. I appreciate their empathy, but neither of them really understands. And here's why- except for two ridiculous dates in high school, I didn't start dating until I was....... 28! I have no idea why. That's right kids, 28. I hate when dumb girls in my various wards complain about going through a 'dry spell' because it's been a month since their last make out session, or two months since they've had a boyfriend or been on a date. 

I grew up outside of Utah; my youth leaders would tell us we need to go to Utah to get married. I didn't come here to get married, but I have to tell my former youth leaders, "You obviously had no clue!" I have friends that I grew up with, whose babies are teens now. My little sister, Meg, has been married for eight? years- she's expecting her fourth baby any day now. Meg and I share a best friend, SarahB. She once said that Meg'd get married first and have like a dozen kids, and she (SarahB) would get married and divorced at least 3 or 4 times and I'd never get married but raise their kids and travel with her between divorces. It was funny back when I was 20, but not so much now. Meg's not going to have a dozen kids and so far SarahB's only divorced once and seems to be doing her travels alone or with her second husband, but I'm still single. I've dated guys in my singles ward, been on blind dates, and even tried internet dating. I've had a few boyfriends, had two guys talk marriage to me, been on a lot of first dates, had a summer of being a bit of a player and the NCMO queen, and unfortunately, far too much experience with telling off guys for dirty talking me. At this point, I feel I'm quite the dating aficionado! Since I wasn't dating, I had lots of time to act as relationship counselor to my friends, and to observe the good and bad in people's relationships, and to talk to many people about dating and relationships. I've explained girl world to clueless guys and helped them win their sweethearts. Many girls from my singles wards have been angry at me for being the girl that all the guys seemed to like- duh! I was helping those boys figure out what to do to get those girls attention. 

I've come to realize this... there are no realistic dating books for the LDS, and that's the other part of reasoning behind why I should write a book. Most dating and relationship books you get at Barnes & Noble tell you that your relationship has failed if you're not having sex, and that if you're not having sex by the fifth date, you're doing something wrong, or you're only in a serious relationship if you're having sex. By the logic, prostitutes are in serious relationships with every john! Books within the church, tend to focus on marriage rather than dating. Or, if it's a book for older singles, it tells you that marriage may not be meant for you. While I appreciate the spiritual advice, the encouragement, and the necessary dose of reality that I may, in fact, not get married and I should get on with living life instead of letting it pass me by while I wait for something to happen that might not. 

Don't get me wrong- I've read the books and gleaned good advice from them, and I'm grateful to the likes of Kristen Oakes and Sheri Dew for sharing their stories. I'm a good LDS girl. I even sometimes get teased for being uptight and a 'Molly'. But I cuss sometimes, I didn't graduate from seminary or institute, I still don't really like to do my visiting teaching even though I love the ladies I visit, and I struggle with my scripture studies. It's highly unlikely that I will marry a general authority, and even less likely that I will be called to the general presidency of anything! In talking to friends, I've also come to realize that the book I'd write for LDS singles would not be published by Deseret Book, but I know this- LDS singles need to learn how to date and how to flirt, especially those over the age of 25! And a good many of them need to have things like petting, fornication, adultery, NCMO, and even sex defined. Bless their hearts. And I will try to help them all.