Excommunication and miscommunication

Tim was another dooha I met online. He was pretty cool, and about the best looking bald guy I'd seen at that point in my life. Probably the most financially stable and successful guy I ever went out with. He was a few years older, divorced, funny, didn't dirty talk me once, and he was smart.

Honestly, I'm not sure where we met, but it was somewhere public and had to have gone well because he asked me out for the next day. We went for a walk and talked for hours- it was a very nice time. But also one of the strangest conversations I've ever had. We were up on the mountian overlooking the Bountiful Temple and he tells me he needs to tell me some stuff abut himself to be fair and honest to me. He told me the story of his divorce and how it was entirely his fault- he had gotten into porn and had cheated on his wife. She tried to forgive him and make it work but he kept on with the porn. She finally went to their bishop and filed for divorce and Tim was excommunicated from the church. He said he'd been to counselling, he and his ex were finally on good terms and she had forgiven him, and he was a few months away from being rebaptized. I asked if I could come to his baptism and he said yes. Then he asked me out for the next day so we could talk about how I felt about the info he'd just dumped on me, and he wanted me to meet his parents.

He picked me up after church, and we went over to the park to walk and talk. I'd thought long and hard about this new situation the night before and had done a bit of praying for some clear thoughts on what to do. I really thought he was sincere and I appreciated that he had been forthright with me about his past and his being excommunicated. I knew I wasn't going to marry him but I thought he could be a decent guy to date for a bit. He said he knew he wasn't in a place to get married currently and wanted to focus on getting rebaptized before he started dating anyone seriously. I think we agreed to date but takes things slowly. Then we went to his parents for dessert. His mom was so cute little thing and his dad was a grouchy old guy. We had a nice visit for a few hours. And his parents invited me to join them for dinner in 2 weekends when Tim came down for the weekend again- oh yeah, he lived up in northern Utah somewhere. (I know where but I'm trying to give him some privacy since his name is actually Tim.) He said we'd be there. When he kissed me good night I knew things had changed but I couldn't quite pinpoint in it then. He called me on his drive back ot his place, and the next two nights. Wednesday, he texted to say he had meetings all day and into the evening and couldn't talk, but he'd text me when he had a break. Then he calls me that evening and tells me he's coming to town the next day and asks if we can meet up for lunch but before I can answer he has to get back to his meeting but he'll call when he 's done. He texted instead to say he was tired but would call me in the mornig on his drive. The next morning he texted to say he wasn't coming down after all- he had more meetings that day but we'd talk later. I'm all for giving people a chance but I'm not stupid- I know when I'm being lied to or played and I don't take kindly to it. Tim calls me that night an tells me all about his meetings and meeting up with an old friend in the same boat as him and then he kind of struggled to find the right words. I filled in the blanks for him.

Basically, one of the people at his business meetings was an old high school crush that was also recently divorced and excommunicated. They got to talking after the meeting and kept talking, and he felt they had more in common than he and I did. Which is true- two whores definitely have more in common than a whore and a virgin. They had so much in common and such a history that they thought they could really help eachother get back into the church. I just had to laugh at that part but he didn't find it nearly as funny as I did. But he wanted to remain friends. Hahaha! So I made him promise to invite me to his baptism if it happened. He promised it would and when it did he would invite me. He was such a good friend that he never called me after that.

Here's the funny part. I met him through LDSPlanet- a horribly unsavory site. Before I gave up entirely on internet dating, I actaully wasted money on eHarmony. We were matched up through that, and he closed the match immediately. I'd say that friendship went well.

What did I learn from that? Nothing new actually. Boys lie and I still have yet to find an honest man. Divorced guys tend to want divorced women, and manwhores tend to want whores, or to turn good girls into whores so they feel better about themselves. Blah blah blah- the same ol' story on yet another day!

When I learned that one of my dear sweet friends had been excommunicated and was trying to work her way back to getting rebaptized, I immediately thought of Tim and had my doubts. I'm so proud of her for doing what he could and would not do. Their stories were very different as are their outcomes. She has strength, courage, and determination. He has nothing! I would still love to go to his baptism but he has chosen his path. I'm so very grateful that my sweet friend allowed me to be part of her baptism day- it is one of my treasured memories, and I know that she is a better person than she thinks. Tim is still probably a schlepp, bless his heart.