I'm tired of girls being stupid, guys being dumb, all the games and mixed signals, unrealistic expectations, miscommunication, fear of commitment, living in the past, your best never being good enough, sleep deprivation, and cramps. That's right cramps.
Whew- where to start?!
I've had a lot on the brain these past several weeks since my last post.
There's a NY based female LDS single woman that has written a book and several blog entries about her dating experiences. I won't mention her weird name but you can look her up on Youtube- she has a couple posts, one in particular about dressing up as a taco for a singles dance. The last thing I read by her was a blog entry where she's lamenting being a single LDS woman in NY and is laying in a hotel bed next to her naked boyfriend debating whether or not to have sex with him, and her desire to to make her parents happy with a temple marriage. My thoughts on that?
I doubt weird named girl stopped during foreplay to blog her innermost feelings about the prospect of losing her virginity.
I'll judge- I'm ok with that.... Honey, you're in a hotel bed with a naked man and that's when you stop to contemplate temple marriage? You're full of crap but your blog post was entertaining and the way you left it so your mom and LDS followers wouldn't be sad or upset about your first sexual encounter was fantastic but for those in the real world, it doesn't take a genius to figure you out. Stop trying to walk the line between virtuous and faithful LDS girl and the girl desperate to leave behind the life you find restricting and have been making fun of for years to become the girl you are at heart and up until your mid-rendezvous moment of piety are more than ready and willing to be. Don't be a hypocrite- just be your hoochie self and be proud of it, and stop dragging your parents beliefs into it.
Good gravy weird named girl- if you're grown up enough to have cheap sex in a hotel be grown up enough to have your own beliefs and live your own life without blaming your parents for the life you've chosen for yourself. Hopefully you started becoming your own person in your teens like the rest of the world does. It's not your jokes I laugh at- it's you! Yep- I said it!
Now on to the guys I've dated..... I've had guys tell me I need to change for them to seriously consider marrying me, break up with me because their Mom's didn't think there was enough age difference between me and her, blatantly check out other girls while I'm out with them, drink on a date even though I've made it clear I don't feel comfortable around guys that drink and then they try to kiss me with that nasty liquor breath (the only thing worse than that would be if a guy tried to kiss me with his nasty cigarette breath).
I've had guys not acknowledge we're dating 3 months into the relationship, guys blame me for their problems when they're thousands of miles away, guys that are okay with being human velcro and don't get the concept of 'I need space.' I've had guys that dirty talk me in the most vulgar and explicit manner in an effort to embarrass me, humiliate me and in some distorted way, to get me to let down my defenses and have sex with them. I've been made fun, insulted, had my religious beliefs and morals mocked- even by those professing to be of the same religion.
I've been dumped on my birthday. I've gone on dates with or had boyfriends that were unemployed, immature, bitter and angry with their ex wives, absent fathers to their children, insecure, only looking for a NCMO or a NSA hook-up, mentally unstable, lazy, cheap, superficial, morbidly obese, and political radicals.
I've been lucky enough to go out with one guy that was completely blindsided by his divorce and despite that is still active in the church, is a great dad to his kids, and who has never said a bad thing about his kids' mom within earshot of them even though he had ample opportunity to do so.
I've gone out with a construction worker, a dentist, an accountant, a musician, a gymnast, a couple former military guys, a teacher, a general contractor, a mechanic, a social worker, a rancher, a plumber, a computer geek, a couple business owners, a couple of VP suits with titles I can't remember, a glorified carnie (aka a stagehand) and an IRS worker. I've been introduced to an entire extended family on a second date.
By and large my experience has been that guys are selfish and oblivious. That regardless of their religious persuasion, they seek only to satisfy themselves and I have been nothing but the means by which they hope to gain that satisfaction, without regard to me and my feelings. I am secondary to them. I am disposable in a sense. Because I allowed them into my life, even for a short time, I allowed little bits of me to be maimed.
I am angry. I am scarred- not to be confused with scared. I have never trusted easily- trust is something to be earned not merely given because you graced me with your presence. I can emasculate with ease and glee sometimes. It about kills me to let myself be vulnerable at this point. And that vulnerability is what is needed to truly experience joy and love.
So Tom, he's a great guy and all, but (and we all know what that means) he just doesn't get it. I don't make it any easier for him apparently. I'd like to think I really don't have to give him a step by step, fully illustrated owner's manual to figure me out- I'm really not that complex.
When you're LDS and still single (and never even married) at the age of 25, other married Mormon's ask what's wrong with you, and when you're single over the age of 40, other singles question what's wrong with you.
And such is the case with Tom. He seems to have it together- he really does. He has a decent job, he's actually still active in church, he is an old fashioned gentleman, he mostly speaks using correct grammar, he's intelligent, funny, he has manners, he's a good kisser, he knows how to treat a woman like a lady. He also has very strong opinions on various topics and thrives on debating those topics. His mother has keys to his home and lets herself in to do crafts in one of the rooms. He is frugal- he doesn't make calls before 9pm and only drives the few hours between us to visit if his work sends him this direction.
He avoided me at Christmas to not have to get me anything- that's fine since our relationship was still fairly new. I think he felt obligated to send me something for Valentine's day. Honestly- I'd rather he'd saved the money on the arrangement and visited me, or sent me the money he would've spent on the arrangement and told me to go to my floral wholesaler and buy what I really want. The thought was nice though so I won't complain that I got granny-friendship-get well flowers instead of romantic flowers. A few weeks ago his attitude changed and I've been at a loss since. I've only been dating him a few months but I really care for him- however, when the feelings are not mutual you need to decide how how long you're willing to work at a one sided relationship and how soon before you jump ship.
And that my friends is why marriages are failing as they are. Because one of you is selfish, the other is confused and left in the dark, communication deteriorates to near nothing, and you both give up because you feel alienated.
If anyone is actually reading this, pay close attention to this part. Lack of laughter and sincere communication in a relationship quickly drains the joy out of it. No sane person wants to perpetually be in a state of confusion, dissatisfaction, and loneliness. If you're both not working at making things work, you're both going to fail! I'm just sayin'! I don't think things with Tom will last much longer if things don't change quickly.
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