The End of Tom

Well, it happened. And it wasn't pretty. I was mature- I didn't call him a dumbass like I wanted to, and like he deserved.

Our relationship hit a wall a few weeks back, and I couldn't figure out why the sudden change in his attitude and he was quite content in shutting me out and keeping up the pretext that all was well. The more I tried to talk to Tom, the more he pushed me away. In the last few weeks, he has come to my house to nap, he has gone into lengthy tangents about the moral bankruptcy of our government, Kinsey's sex studies being a fraud and legitimizing homosexuality, the difference between polygamy in the FLDS church and Muslims and how the FLDS are condemned and Muslims are feared and allowed to practice polygamy undisturbed, illegal immigration and its child prostitution problem, the miracle of Browning and the importance of Utah having a state gun to honor him, and the double standards women's libbers have and the hypocricy of women that prsotitute themselves in the name of marriage to rich old men (Regardless of how I feel about these topics, I don't want to spend an hour or more daily discussing the exact same topics repeatedly in minutia). He wanted my opinions on these topics- mostly I kept my opinions to myself since I knew he mostly wanted me to be in awe of his insights and debating skills but when I did offer my opinions, some of which were contrary to his views, they were dismissed because I obviously don't understand the topics at hand and have 'clearly missed the point' or didn't understand the definition of words I'd chosen to use.

My typing skills may be somewhat lacking, but this beautiful, nerdy girl has a sizable vocabulary and is adept enough to be able to use those words in a competent, intelligent manner! I don't know about you, but when someone tells me that my opinions are wrong simply because they aren't identical to theirs I get fighting mad!

And, oh was I mad! The next time we talked, I controlled the conversation and talked of nothing but books I've read and offered indepth commentaries on each and suggested reading material for Tom. I wasn't a complete brat- I allowed him to interject with his opinions on books as well.

For several weeks, my sister, Megs, has been telling me I need a bit of a vacation from my life. Then last week, my favorite aunt called and invited me to help with a decorating project so I took her up on her offer and took the vacation I needed to think things through. I left on Wednesday. Tom and I talked on Thursday, and that was the last time we talked. While we talked on Thursday, complained about his job, refused my invite to join me by telling me he had no desire to travel anywhere to see anyone, and then he went off on one of his tangents again. Friday, my aunt and I spent the day together stripping wallpaper and talking. She is a very wise woman and listens far more than she speaks when she senses you're struggling with something. I told her all about our relationship over the past few months, the mounting confusion, and that my best was never good enough for him. As I told her, the spoken words brought everything to to the forefront and I knew we were done. Her response, "Hon- I don't know what to tell you beyond what you already know. I'm so sorry because things started off so well with you, but maybe he's doing you a favor this way since obviously we both know he's not the man for you."

I called him- no answer and no return call to the voicemail I left him. I texted him as I was leaving my aunt's- I had a 4 hour drive so I figured that would be a good time to clear the air between us and end things properly. No response. I texted him again when I got home but at that point I was furious at his immaturity (seriously, I expect this kind of behavior from a 25 yer old maybe but not a 45 year old man!).

All of a sudden, two of our conversations entered my head- the first when I tried to have a DTR with him to make sure I was more than just a bucket filler- he told me then that was not his style, and the second was when I told him about my former roommate lining up a new boyfriend before she dumped the old one. At the time he was appalled at that and vowed that he could never do that to someone he was dating. I made a fake profile on the dating site we'd originally met on and found him currently online. The claws came out then. Since he wasn't responding to my attemtps to talk to him, I figured I can tell him off by email. So, I did! And that got a reponse from him. He had something to say about everything except him being a cheat.

For the record, he is a victim. I was a horribly heartless person that hurt his feelbads. I made him insecure. I didn't try very hard and I left him in constant doubt. I didn't get him gifts. I made him feel insecure. Funny thing is I followed his lead. I reacted to how he treated me, and in the end he felt the same way I did. The one main difference being that the more he shut me out, the harder I tried to get him to open up.

His mature plan apparently was to be passive aggressive until I hated him so he wouldn't have to man up and tell me he wasn't interested anymore because that would mean losing his makeout buddy in SLC. I was taught in 8th grade English, every good essay should start with your thesis statement, with paragraphs to substantiate your thesis, and your closing paragraph should reiterate your opening thesis statement. And so in closing, Tom is a dumbass.