Graceful thinking

I am a klutz. I may or may not have previously mentioned this fact. The first time I broke my ankle, I was in the third grade and did it while bouncing on a tire tractor innertube. My mom didn't believe me that I was in excruciating pain and apparently she was temporarily oblivious to the ginormous black and green goose egg on my ankle. I was in a cast and on crutches for the nect few months. And I've had crutches on hand almost non-stop ever since. I've broke, sprained, and fractured both of my ankles at least once.

The last two times I sprained my ankle I was attending SUU. One night I was at my Astronomy lab with my cousin, who was in the class with me. I was walking around outside, about to go down the stairs when someone turned on the lights momentarily. That temporary blindness did me in. I was in midstep when the lights went back off and down several steps I tumbled, cussing all the way. As I lay there in a heap on that cold cement in late February, my cousin starts hollering for me and running to my rescue. That's when the lights went back on and threw her off balance as well. She landed in a heap on top of me. Honestly, I'm not 100% sure if it was my initial fall that messed up my ankle or her falling on top of me. I was taken to the ER with a frozen battery attached to my ankle, and I was given a B for the lab even though I never went back after that. Lemme tell you, you have no idea how many stairs and hills a campus has until you try to maneuver it on crutches. I spent that Spring Break on my brother's sofa while my friends and roommates all went to play in Vegas. But wait- there's more.

The next year, still at SUU, and again in late February, I'm walking to class one day, stepping cautiously as I try to avoid slick spots left over from a rare ice storm that hit a few days prior. I was almost across the street when I hit a patch of black ice, and slid, in the splits position (which my body has only unwillingly done one other time in my entire life and also while falling) more than half way under a parked car at the curb. Again, I was cussing. Two boys walking by were thoroughly impressed with either my amazing splits routine or my prolific cussing skills- they walked away laughing without offering to help me. I hobbled back to my car and went to the doctor who immediately put me back on crutches. The next day it snowed like 8"- I quit going to school for a while (just until I was off the crutches) and again spent my spring break on my brother's sofa while my friends went off to play!

Every time my cousin and I get together, especially at night, we have a hard time staying vertical. I know that sounds way weirder than it actually is. We joke about sharing a single brain between the two of us when we're together- independent of each other we verge on being geniuses. We are constantly tripping and stumbling like a couple of drunks when we're around each other. It's ridiculous really. We'd take evening walks together and stumble our way along, laughing at how ridiculous we had to look and then laughing even harder out ridiclous our laughing at ourselves made us look.

I have fallen, tripped, and stumbled more times than I care to admit. My family and most of my friends are part of the long running joke at my expense of rushing to light stairs and hills for me if they're dark or shadowy to keep me from falling and hurting myself.

Tonight, I did it again. I was walking down my sister's driveway to pick up a bike. One minute I was walking and the next I was careening to my eminent demise, a broken or sprained something inevitable. I just laid there spread eagle for a minute praying I hadn't seriously hurt myself while laughing at how ridiculous it was that I again biffed it big time! I'm pretty sure I broke my left pinkie toe. My left palm is all scuffed and bruised from taking the brunt of my weight while gracefully rolling me over so I didn't faceplant it in this fall. My right knee and shin are all scraped up and bruised. My back kinda hurts from my less than graceful full body twist. I am the epitome of grace sometimes.

Meanwhile my sister is trying hard not to laugh through her concern as she makes sure I'm ok and then tells me how impressed she was with my aerial acrobatic skills. Me too, lady, me too!