Be All That You Can Be

Every so often, I still get a call from Army recruiters. I'm notsure what they want with an overweight, asthamtic princess but that's cool- I can shoot guns with the big boys, so long as I don't have to run or do push-ups. No really- if you want a good laugh, watch me attempt to do one push-up.

The last time I heard from a recruiter, the call went something like this:

Recruiter: Hello. This is Sargent So-and-so from the US Army. How are you doing today?

Me: Good. What's up?

Recruiter: Are you aware of all the benefits that the US Army has to offer you?

Me: Are you aware that the US Army probably wouldn't want me in their ranks?

Recruiter: Hahahaha! You'd be surprised at the variety of people, from all walks of life that are in the Army.

Me: No, really. Unless the Army has need of a 34 year old overweight, asthmatic interior designer with an obsession for all things pink, I'm not interested.

Recruiter: Actually, there is a department in the Army you'd probably fit in with interior design skills of a sort. Would you be interested in that?

Me: Sure, on one condition. I get to wear pink camo and never have to run or do pushups. I hate the feeling of my butt chasing me when I run. That may be more than one condition, but for me it's a package deal.

Recruiter: Hahaha! I really don't know about the pink camo thing but I'll work on that for you. Running and pushups are par for the course. I'm sorry you don't like your butt chasing after you...hahaha.

Me: Are you sure the Army still has a place for me?

Recruiter: Well... we might not be able to meet your conditions, but we'll keep you in mind should things change. You have yourself a nice day and it's been...hahahaha- interesting talking with you.

Me: Glad I could give you something to laugh about on your coffee break. Have a great day and call me back when the pink camo is approved.

And that is how to get rid of Army recruiters!