This was the post that started the thread comments I posted below- I didn't include them all just a variety.
*This is probably something I would have agreed with when I was 20-25 years old, but now I disagree with it. Whenever I ask a guy to hangout or he asks me to hangout the first time we get together, I know it's a first date. If that takes some sort of pressure off the situation so it can happen, so be it. Plus, I'm old enough (and I hope the rest of you are too) to realize that we're no longer stuck in some freshman-in-college limbo: I can actually say to a man I've hung out with a couple of times "Hey, I like you" rather than playing it cool and hoping the relationship shifts.
*If your cute friendly and flirty i will ask you out. All i have seen lately is fat pretentious and judgmental.
*I've never been turned down either, just found that every guy I approached had insecurity issues..... And that's why he didn't approach me. Waste of time....
*Those kind of dates, I go on because I like the person & have fun with him. It may lead to something else. It may result in me setting him up with someone else over time. We may just enjoy each others company & get to practice our dating skills on each other. I offer to go dutch. If a guy wants to instigate doing something he can say something like, "hey, you want to go do x? Tickets are/prices at the restaurant are $x.xx. " That clues me in that he wants to go dutch.
*I've always appreciated the rare occasions when a girl actually told me, "You're a nice guy but I'm not interested. We're adults so can we just be friends?" I knew exactly where I stood, appreciated the friendship, and didn't try to push her in a direction she didn't want to go. Why would I want to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with me?
*I'm always torn when it come to asking someone you know you're not interested in on a date. On one hand it's good to go have fun, get to know someone, and find traits you like/find important. On the other hand, it seems like I'm wasting someones time taking them on an actual date if I already know it's not going anywhere.
*remember girls are dumb and some times won't be honest because they "don't want to hurt you" or really just don't want to have you stop perusing them because it feels good to have some one who cares even if its not the person you really want.
*No, it's not that easy. Try telling your girlfriends not to accuse every guy that asks them out of being a stalker just because they're not interested. It would be nice to be able to just go do something with someone you consider a "maybe" dating prospect without having to give some poor girl the impression that you had some huge crush on her, asked her out, and then never called again.
*And if the men aren't attending the local Midsingles activities, you have to ask yourself, why is that? Guys attend activities where they are feel wanted and valued...
*I think there are too many people out there who think a date=life time commitment, so they are afraid to say "yes" to a date or afraid to ask for a date.
*You know, if only it were really that easy. I've been told no so many times, or been given every excuse in the book, that the rejection became just a normal part of the process... I can't say I'm afraid of rejection, I don't like rejection. But too often you have someone that might be your friend, and then you take the risk and ask of they want to do something fun, like go to a play, or the park or some other thing and now... boom... it screws everything up. Because they are not interested and now it gets awkward because they think you are flirting all the time now or they give off that awkward vibe... so now the friendship goes down the tube too... It was easier before you asked... I personally sometimes just don't care to screw that up. Just asking someone, is not always that easy...
*I live in the US, and have not been on a date with an LDS guy in many, many moons. I am liberal and don't love rigid gender roles. I am much more popular with not LDS guys. If I sat around waiting for an LDS guy to ask me out, I would have to rely on Eternal Marriage with someone who died in the war in heaven, because it is not happening on earth. It was tough to deal with and proccess, but now I believe God loves me, and wants my happiness, and sticking with only LDS was just too sad. I lived in the Midwest for most of my 20s, no one to date Mormon wise.
*You guys have such a great situation living in the states. Be grateful. I ask girls out and get turned down. I'm not asking them to marry me, just get to know me. You have lot's and lot's of options too. We are very limited. Be grateful for what you have
*Flip the coin, be a Woman, ask him out. I've never been turned down by a guy, I've asked out.
I think this is one of the funnier threads I've read on LDSMSOTW. All to often in the LDS culture, we don't think of dating as a chance to get to know someone with the possibility of marriage somewhere down the road, we tend to think of dating as the start of a marriage from the first date. That's kind of messed up and adds so much pressure that it really takes a lot of the fun out of it. The ladies are trying to say they want strong assertive men to take on traditional dominant gender roles, and the guys are pretty much saying they want to be thought of as that old school stereotype if the girls will take the lead. And then the admin jumps in to say that if guys are valued and wanted they'd attend more activities- do they really need personal invites when the odds at almost every activity is stacked in their favor? Sure there are inevitable bitter and angry girls that are always in attendance, the flashy high mainentancpretty on the outside girls that all the guys flock to, and the holier than thou untouchables but there are also the fun and not so showy girls who always get looked over- but this is par for the course and the mix hasn't really changed since our first dances at 14, so again is a special invite for the guys really necessary? (This is also applicable in reverse for the guys.) I'll tell you what- if I knew about activities where there were even 4 guys to every girl, I'd go all the time and work that room for all I was worth cuz I can guarantee I'll find one guy at least that'd be interested in me!
I'm a little bugged at the 'girls are dumb' comment someone made. Yeah- we can be dumb but so are the guys. Everyone makes their lists- verbal or not, realistic or not. I have some new Be's that Prez Hinckley left out- be flexible, be open, be fair, be a little slower to judge, be willing to give a first date a go even if they don't look like your imagined perfect fit, be prepared to be embarrassed, be okay with rejection, be smarter than you have been, be willing to let the past go, be willing to give people a chance. I stopped online dating and attending dances because that's where I keep meeting dirty talking (like verbal porn not just questionably naughty euphemisms and double entendre banter) jack Mormon self-proclaimed manwhores. I'd really like to find, befriend, and date these decent guys that I'm pretty sure exist but guess what, it doesn't matter how fun, friendly, flirty, or approachable I am, or if I do the asking instead of him, if I don't fit his mold, his ideal, or fulfill his list, I still get bupkas- not even friendship because heaven forbid I might fall for him.
I'm callng it that it goes both ways. We all want our cake and eat it too. We can deny it all we want but we all have our types and ideals, and if someone comes along that is shorter, taller, fatter, too flat chested, not intelligent enough, too bald, too pale, too much or not enough whatever, or noticabley handicapped or impaired, we're not really open to giving them a chance. And then compound that with our previous negative experiences that we inflict on newcomers and judge them by- no wonder so many of us are single, confused, apparently oblivious, and unhappy with our situations. We could very well be surrounded by amazing people, people who could be perfect for us, and yet because of our pasts, our ideals, and distances, we won't give each other a chance? Dang- we really are stupid! And what makes it worse is we're all waiting for someone else to make the first move and take the lead. And that is why we're all a bunch of wallflowers watching everyone else do what we're too stupid, stubborn, or scared to do ourselves.
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